The diary of Ruth Bukater
by Sam Pembroke
Summary: Starting in 1889 Ruth has kept a record of day to day events. There's a surprise in there for sure. Read and review. As always thank you to the folks who do read my stories.


The Diary of Ruth Bukater

PART ONE

1889-1891

CHAPTER ONE

December 1889

**December 1, 1889**-Today was perhaps one of great sorrow and joy. The divorce with Peter Creedon was finalized. Samuel now has his intentions to marry me. I just wish the two hadn't become so bitter, but what do you expect? It hurts me to say that I am the one who caused their bitterness. Peter can't even look at Sam without wanting to kick his ass. I love Peter, but I cannot be married to two people at the same time. Sam also wants me to go to Newport with him. I love that city, I always have. The way the downtown waterfront frames the harbor, it's mesmerizing.

**December 2, 1889**-Telling my family about the whole divorce was bothersome. My stepmother, Edith almost slapped me across the face for what she calls "marital insubordination" How was I insubordinate? True, I did cheat on Peter, but I still love him. My father, Jonathan wasn't angry per se, but he was disappointed. My youngest siblings, Jessica and John Junior probably were not angry at me. Elisabeth was not angry either; she seemed to be happy about the situation. Needless to say, the whole DeWitt household was very tense. Mother came into my room this evening and began to berate me. Oh how I wanted to strike her again like I did back in '83. I leave in the morning for Newport.

**December 3, 1889**- I have arrived in Newport. The admiral lives in a stately home at the corner of Spring and Prospect Hill Streets. The house is painted yellow and the windows are adorned with black shutters. He gave me a tour of his office, something that mother would not approve of, but I don't need her to tell me how to run my life. I'm old enough, I'm a big girl; I can do things myself. One thing's for certain: Newport is not Nantucket, and that's a good thing.

**December 4, 1889**-An old friend of Sam's came by the house today. His name is Nathan Hockley. Hockley wanted to congratulate Sam on his achievement. He asked about Peter of course. Sam quickly changed the subject when it came to him. I don't know why he hides it; there isn't anything that can be done about it now. Nathan was in the New England War back in the '70's; apparently he is one of the most influential people in Philadelphia society. I prefer Peter City society much better than Philadelphia; they're so rude down there, although Hockley was nice

**December 5, 1889**- This house is absolutely wonderful. I have a maid named Louisa. My room is beautiful; it almost reminds me of when I was a little girl, although the memories of that are frightening. I awoke this morning to find Sam downstairs. He tells me that we are going to his family's estate out in Saint Henry County. As long as my family does not get involved then I will be happy. I can already tell that Sam is the one for me, but at the same time if it weren't for my first husband, I'd never have met the man I'm with now. At least it isn't up to my stepmother. Even she married for love.

**December 6, 1889**- Sam took off early to take me to Fall River to meet an old landlord of his when he rented a house there. His name is Andrew Borden. Fall River is a decent city. I adore the fact that he's showing me off to all his friends. As long as he doesn't use me as a trophy, then I'm alright. Andrew was a bit eccentric; his daughter Lizzie was there, she's strange, almost like a ghost, she never really left her room the whole time I was there. I was however alarmed at the fact Andrew ogled me with his eyes. Maybe he wanted to fondle me, but I don't know.

**December 7, 1889**- Tomorrow morning we leave for Farmborough. It will be a long trip, about three hours. Sam knows all the shortcuts and back roads, so he assures me that we will be there on time. We'll be staying at his parents' house for three days. From what I've heard, his mother is really nice. His father is a mercenary and had served in the Civil War, as well as countless smaller conflicts around the world. Sam told me that his father and Peter's father were commanders in the Civil War. I'm sure he'll have stories. Louisa is helping me pack. I want to look good for his family.

**December 8, 1889-** I met Sam's family for the first time. His father, Joseph is a mercenary of sorts. His mother, Catherine teaches geology at Saint Henry University in Saint Henryborough. He also has a younger brother named Joseph, who apparently is married and is childless. His sister, Ellen is my age. She graduated from Mount Tabor School in Vermont, practically down the road from Brattleboro, where I attended. It turns out that she knows my younger sister, Elisabeth, because they shared a room there. The Bukater's are a wonderful family, unlike mine.

**December 9, 1889**- It must have snowed last night. The entire yard is covered in snow, looks to be about six inches of white powder. I remember when I was little; my father would take me out in the snow. For the first four years of my life, he was gone; he had served in the war, in the fighting 501st, the unit that was a special group led by my first husband. I learned something about my father today that I never knew, or come to think of it, ever asked him about. Mr. Bukater was explaining to me about all the great things he had done in the war, like rescuing children from a burning house that was set by the enemy. I didn't know my own father had that in him; he'd always been strict. I had heard him cry in his sleep before, but I didn't know what it had been about. Now I know. Mr. Bukater also showed me all of his war photos; they were fascinating. Mother would never have approved of me looking at such photos.

**December 10, 1889**- Tomorrow we head back to Newport, back to our castle on Spring and Prospect Hill. I went to New Quincy with Mrs. Bukater. She has this air about her that makes her down to earth. As we crossed the Loopstra River she told me about the river from a geology standpoint. Geology had always interested me, but my mother would never have allowed it. We spent the afternoon shopping. She had asked me if we had bought my wedding trousseau. I said that we didn't. That must have been the wrong answer, because what she said next was startling. "Well then, we need to get you fitted." I didn't want a lavish wedding. My first was lavish enough.

**December 11, 1889**- We're back home in Newport. The weather was dreary today, but then again when in December is it not? I went for a walk this evening down along the waterfront. It has been extremely cold, perhaps the coldest December ever in my lifetime. Everything happens so fast. I thought I heard Peter's voice echoing through the wind saying "You're gonna find out someday honey, when you're alone, you're alone." On my walk I wondered what he was doing at that moment. Probably still sulking, but I wouldn't worry about that. I walked inside and Sam was sitting there. He asked me if I had seen anything interesting. I said, nope, only snowflakes.

**December 12, 1889**- Breakfast this morning was lively. We had discussed our wedding plans and for the most part were in good spirits. Mother called, wondering if my trousseau was on order. Wow, she actually does care. I don't know why she does; she never really was nice to me to begin with. We had lunch in downtown Newport. He brought along one of his colleagues; rear admiral Crowe. Crowe wasn't that much fun, but he does enjoy the navy.

**December 13, 1889-** I have been informed that mother is coming to Newport. She wants me to be fitted for my wedding dress. I dread when she does arrive. She'll probably want a granddaughter or something out of our marriage. She'll have to wait. I do not know why I show so much animosity to her.

**December 14, 1889**- Well, as expected, mother arrived. She was really well behaved. That didn't come as a shock. She probably talks about me behind my back with all the Gregstown Society. I hated that city, Gregstown was so desolate. We lived on the shore, and all the empty streets in their grid pattern were barren. No houses were at our end, we truly lived in the open. Until we were of age, Elisabeth and I were tutored by our governess, Maggie. I was fitted for everything, including new corsets. No expense was spared.

**December 15, 1889**- It snowed today. The wind was really something else. The trees in our back yard were badly shaken. The harbor was calm, but out in the bay I could see large waves. Mother left this AM. Thank god. I'm all set for the wedding, which will be held sometime after Christmas. I just hope Sam is ready. He says he won't dress too formal like my previous wedding.

**December 16, 1889**- We discussed the thought of having children today. Sam wants a son. I told him that I am not god and he will like whatever is given to him. He chuckled. Sometimes I don't know if we will have children. Sam has mentioned that a Japanese Admiral, a certain Togo is coming to review the fleet next March. I'm sure that Sam is going to have the fleet whipped into shape. Anything that will help win them over. Sam was ecstatic, but yet at the same time nervous. He didn't want to talk about it.

**December 17, 1889**- I took a day trip to Block Island. I had read about it, but never actually had set foot on the island. People were giving me strange glances. It was the off season after all. The sky was free of clouds today, and the sky had a most wonderful dark sapphire blue color to it. There was ice in the pond on the island, and the roofs had a frosting of glaze upon them. It was extremely cold. This is truly one of the most beautiful places in the republic. It's a shame that my family never built a house there.

**December 18, 1889**-My father came to visit. My father is a naval architect, and thus designs ships for our fleet. He told me that he was sorry for the way he had acted when I had gone to visit during the beginning of the month. He told me that Sam makes me truly happy. I asked him how he knew and he said "Because I talk to him on a regular basis. As long as you are happy, I'm happy." I asked him about the war and he told me the story of how he, Creedon, and Nathan Hockley had fought off this band of New Confederate soldiers by themselves in a trench. He put a positive light on my ex husband; and a positive light on himself. Sam added the fact that if it weren't for Peter, the war would have gone on much longer.

**December 19, 1889**- I saw my ex husband today. He and Sam are still somewhat terse, but are at least speaking again. I don't think that he has forgiven Sam for what he had done. He looked older and perhaps a little afraid of something. I didn't know I had such an effect on him. He told me that he truly did love me, and that when he saw me at Brattleboro, he knew I was the one for him. Our marriage was never shaky; it just was quiet that's all. When he caught me with Sam coming out of his office on Orange Street, I wasn't prepared. I thought he was going to start cursing and perhaps strike me. He didn't. He had pure class throughout the whole thing; he told me that if it was what I wanted, then he wasn't going to stop me. I thought I heard him cry that cold November day.

**December 20, 1889**- The invitations have gone out. Our marriage date is January 11th, 1890. Peter has already declined his invitation. We are going to get married in Fall River, somewhere quiet. I really don't want a large wedding, neither does he. Sam seems to be attracted to Fall River; all I ask is why?

**December 21, 1889**-Snow fell last night. I awoke late. Last night Sam came into my room and we made passionate advances on each other. It was the most erotic thing I have ever felt in my life. It felt as though all our passion had combined and we felt unstoppable, like the sun shining through the breaks in the clouds, I felt so free…So alive. I didn't want it to end.

**December 22, 1889**- I have learned that I am to go to Gregstown for Christmas. Apparently my stepmother wishes to make amends. I know she's deceived me in the past, but maybe her intentions are good this time. Sam and Louisa are making sure I'm packed up and ready to go. Sam's taking me as far as Taunton and then I'm on the train to Peter City and finally to Gregstown. I leave tomorrow morning. I don't want to be away from him for too long. I'll be back after the New Year, before my wedding.

**December 23, 1889**-I am tired, but happy. My father came to greet me at the train station. He still calls me "his little one" even though I'm nineteen, almost twenty. I guess in a way he never was mean to me, not like mother, who tried her hardest to make me a proper Victorian lady. I know that's what Jessica must endure; my heavens mother made me wear a pinny to tea, every time. "You don't want to get your best dress messy" is what she would say, and if you didn't wear your pinny, then god help you, she'd slap you on the wrist and send you to get it, and if you were not back in time, then she'd send you away to your room, without supper. This happened to me quite a few times.

**December 24, 1889**- Christmas Eve, I felt sick this morning, must be a sign of big things coming although I wouldn't tell mother; no, she'd never forgive me. I hid the feelings of illness. It snowed again today, although not much. The wind off of Lake Quannapowitt was extremely strong. If you walked outside your legs would be to an extent sandblasted, not even the small grove of scrub pines were a good windbreak. Jessica and John were excited about Christmas; they were hoping to get what they wanted. All I want is my stepmother to forgive me.

**December 25, 1889**- Merry Christmas, not much to write about. Mother said that she loves me. How can this be possible? She was so mean and cruel when I was a little girl. Her words were "Ruth, I have ALWAYS loved you. You just didn't realize it. I protected you when you were frightened; remember when your father was away all those years? And you'd wake in the middle of the night? I was there for you. Yes, when you got to be a little older you did become rebellious, but so did I when I was that age. I regret that I ever put you in that institution when you were thirteen." She embraced me, and kissed my forehead. I guess she did have good feelings about me after all.

**December 26, 1889**- Today is Boxing Day. It was a relatively quiet time in my parents' house. The twins were asleep until ten this morning, after being up so late last night. The lake looked eerily calm in the morning light, with scattered clouds creating blotches of sunlight. I called Sam and he said that it was snowing heavily in Newport. He said he must have sung "Please come home for Christmas" at least a dozen times. I found one of my old photo albums. I had thought mother threw it out, but no they were all in my old room. I saw old photos I took on Christmas and Boxing Day, 1883. It was a white Christmas that year, and my photos showed it. One picture showed us all as a happy family; papa was smiling, and mother even had a rare smile on her face. The twins were smiling, and Lizzie, well she was being herself.

**December 27, 1889**- I felt ill this morning. I think I'm pregnant. I don't know what to say to anyone though, they'd call me a whore, something which I'm not. The bitter cold continues, and it even snowed this morning. The calm that I saw yesterday was gone, replaced by a slate grey colored lake and an equal sky. If I am pregnant, I want it to be a girl, that way I can spoil her and not be overbearing. Alice would make a wonderful name, or at least I think it would. Alice Creedon Bukater would be her full name, although Sam might not approve of the Creedon part.

**December 28, 1889**- I went downtown this afternoon with mother. She asked me the question I was dreading that she going to ask. She asked me if I was pregnant. I said I didn't know, but I've noticed I have not been feeling well as of late. She told me that if Sam was the father then it was okay; had it been Peter, I would have been a whore. That made me feel better.

**December 29, 1889**- The snow came in full force today. Sam called and told me that it was almost a blizzard in Newport. He misses me, and even rear admiral Crowe misses me, what a shock. I miss him, and I cannot believe we're this close to getting married. Maybe in the New Year, Peter will forgive Sam. I know he's forgiven me. Jessica has the flu, wow does she whine. Typical eight year old. I never whined when I was eight, I was quite the silent child, I had never gotten quite used to the fact my father was there. Elisabeth arrived this afternoon.

**December 30, 1889**- We have about six inches of snow here. The lake is slush near the shore. Jessica's fever is getting worse. Today Elisabeth and I took tea with mother. Jessica is now in bed, sleeping. She's finally calm enough to do so. The snow has continued all afternoon, painting a pretty picture on the forest and dunes. Mother and Elisabeth had much to talk about. I told them that the wedding was not going to be a large one. Both their jaws dropped. I guess that this was not a good thing. I then told them that we were to be married in Fall River, they didn't seem to mind that.

**December 31, 1889**- This decade is coming to a close, and what a decade it's been. I remember the good and the bad things. In the early 80's I remember going to boarding school for the first time, and being institutionalized. I was the downfall of Headmistress Parsons in 1886, and in 1887, I met General Peter B. Creedon Junior. We were married January 6, 1888, and divorced on December 1st of this year. I look forward to a new decade and a new life with Admiral Samuel A. Bukater in our Newport Home. We can raise our baby there, and spoil her (Oh I do hope it's a baby girl). The snow ended leaving a hazy sky. Jessica is well again; she had me worried. On the 2nd, I shall return to Newport. May my new life begin.


End file.
